Don't Be a Superhero
Sermon given by Betsy Azarowski
April 8, 2018
at the Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
When I was a small child, one of my favorite shows was Wonder Woman, with Linda Carter. Every week I would look forward to seeing my favorite heroine face her latest challenge and step up to fight for justice. I pretended that I had my own magic cuffs that I could use to block attacks and that would shoot deadly laser beams at my enemy. I would have power, beauty, poise and smarts so I could protect the weak and vulnerable from the villains who were waiting to take over the world. I would never back away from any situation...no matter how hopeless, and I would always win in the end.. What little girl would not be mesmerized by the thought of being so powerful?
Last year, my daughter and I went to see the Wonder Woman movie at the theatre, and it was that same feeling all over again. We learn that Wonder Woman is a daughter of the goddess Diana, living on an island with other female warriors, preparing to defend themselves if they are ever in danger. When she learns that the world is in danger of being destroyed by a world war, she feels it is her duty to protect those who cannot fight for themselves. Despite great odds, she stands up to the enemy herself and refuses to back down. Her victory is nothing short of miraculous. We leave the theatre feeling a little more courage to stand up to the challenges in our own lives.
As an adult I’m not sure I’d want to be the one who had the responsibility of saving the world. I want to be able to say, “I can’t do this by myself. I need help.”
This summer I tried to do something that was courageous for me. I decided to learn how to drive a forty foot long vehicle and get my commercial drivers’ license.
I wish I could say the experience was empowering and confidence-building, but the truth is that it was a very humbling experience. It was hot, tiring, and long. Hour after hour spent memorizing minute parts of an engine, parts of the wheel, brakes, vehicle structure, safety features, etc etc. There was one very humid morning in July that I was convinced there was just no way I would ever remember it all. It was so much more than I ever wanted to know about a machine. And a college degree gives you absolutely no advantage at all. I struggled, I tried and failed quite a few times, and I even came within a hair of failing my driving test. When I finally got the license, my main feeling was just relief and gratitude that I had gotten through it. But I did learn some things about myself.There was a time when I wouldn’t try anything difficult, for fear of failure. I learned that I am able to try something hard, and be okay with making mistakes. I think it takes some humility to be willing to to try something new, and to be willing to be really bad at it.
Ginger Jenks, a life coach and inspirational speaker, thinks we should get used to making mistakes and being bad at things in order to grow. She calls it “being humbled” and she says we should do it as frequently and as publicly as possible. She says,
“When we achieve competence in many areas of our lives, we tend to view ourselves that way and forget what it’s like to struggle. And you know what? We are surrounded by people struggling every day, many of them close to us.. It opened my eyes and my compassion to this. And when we do that, we are able to connect more closely with others and also with ourselves.
I was humbled, but still accepted and liked. That is a powerful thing. Why? Because it allows us to take risks, which is the catalyst for growth.
It turns out that trying to be perfect is a huge problem in our society, reaching epidemic proportions. The messages we get through social media is that everyone around us is happy and perfect, and if we do not live up to impossible standards, then we are lacking.
Rachel Simmons, in her article, “Teenage Girls are Facing Impossible Expectations,”, says
I have been asking adolescent girls to describe what it means to them to be successful. They tell me they are under pressure to be superhuman: ambitious, smart and hardworking, athletic, pretty and sexy, socially active, nice and popular--both online and off.
The sheer impossibility of measuring up has left a generation of girls with the enduring belief that, no matter how many acheivements they rack up, they are not enough as they are.
An “anything is possible” mentality has transformed into a mental-health crisis.
On social media, bragging seems to be the norm...whether it is looking perfect, having the perfect partner, house, children and job...there is a feeling that the more we have and the better we appear, then the more successful we are at life. Although it might not be “popular”, humility can actually be a very freeing value to adopt.
Humility gets a bad rap in our society these days. It tends to be seen as being weak, or letting people walk all over you.
Perhaps the reason the word gets a bad name, is because the verb “to humble” is synonymous with humiliating, or demeaning someone. It means to cut one’s ego down to size.
The original idea of humility was born during the middle ages, when it was seen as a way of getting closer to God. In other words, the less you thought of yourself, the more you realized that your only hope of survival was through God. The histories of saints is full of descriptions of people trying to outdo each other with who could suffer more, whether by starvation, brutal living conditions, and torture methods such as garments made of coarse hair and beds of nails.
In Dante Alighieri’s famous book the Inferno, all the sins of all levels of hell stemmed out of pride, or of thinking ourselves as better than other people.
In the times before science took hold, the only one to rely on was God. St. Paul said to the Corinthians, “We see through a glass darkly….we know only a part.” Famine, destructive storms, the success of crops, sickness and disease...these were all things we had no control over, so it was easy to admit how powerless people were on their own.
St. Francis built a movement out of humility, urging his followers to leave behind their possessions like the disciples did and to adopt a life of poverty and only beg to survive. He believed that “in giving we receive”. It was a radical idea back when the church was the richest and most powerful of all institutions.
Interestingly, a scholar of Francis, Thadee Matura, believes that, as a leader of a large following of people, Francis was aware of the temptation, even within himself, for pastoral ministers to consider themselves better or above those they served. So maybe Francis was reminding himself and his followers not to be tempted to abuse their power, and to remember it was the job of the leader to serve.
For leaders to recognize they don’t know everything, to resist the urge to control other people. These are some values that actually may apply today.
The New York Times, April 15, 2017, featured an Op Ed piece by Peter Wehner, entitled, “The Quiet Power of Humility”.
He says, “Since humility is so out of fashion as to almost have been forgotten, it’s worth making the case for how to rightly understand it, to articulate why humility is not only as essential Christian virtue, but also an essential civic one.”
The author says that he learned about humility through a decades-long journey of faith. He says we need to know our shortcomings first, and the weaknesses of our own hearts. Even good acts often have selfish motives. This awareness is not so we hate ourselves, but to become aware of ourselves so we can improve.
We realize we need other people, and if we so believe, we need God.
He says, “Humility is a sign of self-confidence, it means we’re secure enough to alter our views based on new information and new circumstances”.
This means also that we are able to engage in conversation with those who think differently, believe differently, and live differently. In order to do that we have to abandon the conviction that our way is the only way and that we are always right.
Not only does this apply to us as individuals, but to our whole system of government.
“Our checks-and-balances system of government assumes that none of us has all the answers and therefore no single person should be trusted with complete authority”.
Only a foolish leader would pretend to know all the answers and feel as though they could not listen, learn and grow. People who cannot see their own imperfections are setting themselves up for failure.
Ernest Kurtz and Kathering Ketcham, wrote a book called “The Spirituality of Imperfection”. They describe this kind of spirituality this way,
“A spirituality of imperfection suggests that spirituality’s first step involves facing self squarely, seeing one’s self as one is: mixed-up, paradoxical, incomplete, imperfect. Flawedness is the first fact about human beings. And paradoxically, in that imperfect foundation we find not despair but joy. For it is only within the reality of our imperfection that we can find the peace and serenity we crave.
“...humility signifies, simply, the acceptance of being human, the acceptance of one’s human being. It is the embrace of the both-and-ness, both saint and sinner, both beast AND angel, that constitutes our very be-ing as human.”
Ironically, humility can be empowering. It may occur to us that we can’t change everything by ourselves, and we cannot achieve everything we want to achieve. But out of this disappointment comes a recognition that we need each other.
Kurtz, “‘...shared weakness creates what is truly a community. ...those who recognize shared weakness see in others’ strengths a HOPE: the hope that YOUR strengths might also support ME. (we need to understand that) we all share the same fears and sorrows, we all do the best we can with what we have”.
How does humility apply to us as Unitarian Universalists? Most of us want to do something to make the world a better place, but we can’t do this alone. We come together here as part of a community, and working together we can do more good than we could on our own. UUs expect that we come here as we are, and do not ask us to hide our flaws or pretend to be perfect.
I don't have to be a great chef to do coffee hour, or a social butterfly to be a greeter, or a fabulous writer to do a sermon. All it takes to do any of these things is a willingness to participate and to share a little of myself. And that's really all humility is to me. It's accepting myself, and other people, and the world, as it is...with all its faults and imperfections, and still be willing to be a part of making a positive contribution, big or small. That's really all any of us can do everyday. And we don't have to be perfect to start.
I won’t lie: it would be nice to have at least some of wonder woman’s super powers. I, personally, am more likely to step away from doing anything if I don’t feel as though I can do it perfectly. I tell myself that other people are more talented, or have more experience than I do.
But humility is not an excuse to step aside and do nothing. Just because we can’t do the impossible, doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to do what we CAN do.
Henri Nowen wrote:
We are worth more than the result of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.
In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness.
Abraham Lincoln said, “ Ordinary folk, like you and me, must be greatly loved by God since there are so many of us, always have been, most likely will always be.”
Loving the ordinariness in ourselves and each other will make us less afraid to take risks, have compassion, and share what we have.
As Ryunosuke Saturo said, Individually we are one drop, together we are an ocean.. None of us need to be a superhero.
Maybe a graduation speech will never end, “Go out into the world, and be humble.” Maybe humility will never be a political platform or pep rally cry. Maybe it’s message is quieter. But maybe it is an idea that could change the world after all.
Sermon given by Betsy Azarowski
April 8, 2018
at the Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
When I was a small child, one of my favorite shows was Wonder Woman, with Linda Carter. Every week I would look forward to seeing my favorite heroine face her latest challenge and step up to fight for justice. I pretended that I had my own magic cuffs that I could use to block attacks and that would shoot deadly laser beams at my enemy. I would have power, beauty, poise and smarts so I could protect the weak and vulnerable from the villains who were waiting to take over the world. I would never back away from any situation...no matter how hopeless, and I would always win in the end.. What little girl would not be mesmerized by the thought of being so powerful?
Last year, my daughter and I went to see the Wonder Woman movie at the theatre, and it was that same feeling all over again. We learn that Wonder Woman is a daughter of the goddess Diana, living on an island with other female warriors, preparing to defend themselves if they are ever in danger. When she learns that the world is in danger of being destroyed by a world war, she feels it is her duty to protect those who cannot fight for themselves. Despite great odds, she stands up to the enemy herself and refuses to back down. Her victory is nothing short of miraculous. We leave the theatre feeling a little more courage to stand up to the challenges in our own lives.
As an adult I’m not sure I’d want to be the one who had the responsibility of saving the world. I want to be able to say, “I can’t do this by myself. I need help.”
This summer I tried to do something that was courageous for me. I decided to learn how to drive a forty foot long vehicle and get my commercial drivers’ license.
I wish I could say the experience was empowering and confidence-building, but the truth is that it was a very humbling experience. It was hot, tiring, and long. Hour after hour spent memorizing minute parts of an engine, parts of the wheel, brakes, vehicle structure, safety features, etc etc. There was one very humid morning in July that I was convinced there was just no way I would ever remember it all. It was so much more than I ever wanted to know about a machine. And a college degree gives you absolutely no advantage at all. I struggled, I tried and failed quite a few times, and I even came within a hair of failing my driving test. When I finally got the license, my main feeling was just relief and gratitude that I had gotten through it. But I did learn some things about myself.There was a time when I wouldn’t try anything difficult, for fear of failure. I learned that I am able to try something hard, and be okay with making mistakes. I think it takes some humility to be willing to to try something new, and to be willing to be really bad at it.
Ginger Jenks, a life coach and inspirational speaker, thinks we should get used to making mistakes and being bad at things in order to grow. She calls it “being humbled” and she says we should do it as frequently and as publicly as possible. She says,
“When we achieve competence in many areas of our lives, we tend to view ourselves that way and forget what it’s like to struggle. And you know what? We are surrounded by people struggling every day, many of them close to us.. It opened my eyes and my compassion to this. And when we do that, we are able to connect more closely with others and also with ourselves.
I was humbled, but still accepted and liked. That is a powerful thing. Why? Because it allows us to take risks, which is the catalyst for growth.
It turns out that trying to be perfect is a huge problem in our society, reaching epidemic proportions. The messages we get through social media is that everyone around us is happy and perfect, and if we do not live up to impossible standards, then we are lacking.
Rachel Simmons, in her article, “Teenage Girls are Facing Impossible Expectations,”, says
I have been asking adolescent girls to describe what it means to them to be successful. They tell me they are under pressure to be superhuman: ambitious, smart and hardworking, athletic, pretty and sexy, socially active, nice and popular--both online and off.
The sheer impossibility of measuring up has left a generation of girls with the enduring belief that, no matter how many acheivements they rack up, they are not enough as they are.
An “anything is possible” mentality has transformed into a mental-health crisis.
On social media, bragging seems to be the norm...whether it is looking perfect, having the perfect partner, house, children and job...there is a feeling that the more we have and the better we appear, then the more successful we are at life. Although it might not be “popular”, humility can actually be a very freeing value to adopt.
Humility gets a bad rap in our society these days. It tends to be seen as being weak, or letting people walk all over you.
Perhaps the reason the word gets a bad name, is because the verb “to humble” is synonymous with humiliating, or demeaning someone. It means to cut one’s ego down to size.
The original idea of humility was born during the middle ages, when it was seen as a way of getting closer to God. In other words, the less you thought of yourself, the more you realized that your only hope of survival was through God. The histories of saints is full of descriptions of people trying to outdo each other with who could suffer more, whether by starvation, brutal living conditions, and torture methods such as garments made of coarse hair and beds of nails.
In Dante Alighieri’s famous book the Inferno, all the sins of all levels of hell stemmed out of pride, or of thinking ourselves as better than other people.
In the times before science took hold, the only one to rely on was God. St. Paul said to the Corinthians, “We see through a glass darkly….we know only a part.” Famine, destructive storms, the success of crops, sickness and disease...these were all things we had no control over, so it was easy to admit how powerless people were on their own.
St. Francis built a movement out of humility, urging his followers to leave behind their possessions like the disciples did and to adopt a life of poverty and only beg to survive. He believed that “in giving we receive”. It was a radical idea back when the church was the richest and most powerful of all institutions.
Interestingly, a scholar of Francis, Thadee Matura, believes that, as a leader of a large following of people, Francis was aware of the temptation, even within himself, for pastoral ministers to consider themselves better or above those they served. So maybe Francis was reminding himself and his followers not to be tempted to abuse their power, and to remember it was the job of the leader to serve.
For leaders to recognize they don’t know everything, to resist the urge to control other people. These are some values that actually may apply today.
The New York Times, April 15, 2017, featured an Op Ed piece by Peter Wehner, entitled, “The Quiet Power of Humility”.
He says, “Since humility is so out of fashion as to almost have been forgotten, it’s worth making the case for how to rightly understand it, to articulate why humility is not only as essential Christian virtue, but also an essential civic one.”
The author says that he learned about humility through a decades-long journey of faith. He says we need to know our shortcomings first, and the weaknesses of our own hearts. Even good acts often have selfish motives. This awareness is not so we hate ourselves, but to become aware of ourselves so we can improve.
We realize we need other people, and if we so believe, we need God.
He says, “Humility is a sign of self-confidence, it means we’re secure enough to alter our views based on new information and new circumstances”.
This means also that we are able to engage in conversation with those who think differently, believe differently, and live differently. In order to do that we have to abandon the conviction that our way is the only way and that we are always right.
Not only does this apply to us as individuals, but to our whole system of government.
“Our checks-and-balances system of government assumes that none of us has all the answers and therefore no single person should be trusted with complete authority”.
Only a foolish leader would pretend to know all the answers and feel as though they could not listen, learn and grow. People who cannot see their own imperfections are setting themselves up for failure.
Ernest Kurtz and Kathering Ketcham, wrote a book called “The Spirituality of Imperfection”. They describe this kind of spirituality this way,
“A spirituality of imperfection suggests that spirituality’s first step involves facing self squarely, seeing one’s self as one is: mixed-up, paradoxical, incomplete, imperfect. Flawedness is the first fact about human beings. And paradoxically, in that imperfect foundation we find not despair but joy. For it is only within the reality of our imperfection that we can find the peace and serenity we crave.
“...humility signifies, simply, the acceptance of being human, the acceptance of one’s human being. It is the embrace of the both-and-ness, both saint and sinner, both beast AND angel, that constitutes our very be-ing as human.”
Ironically, humility can be empowering. It may occur to us that we can’t change everything by ourselves, and we cannot achieve everything we want to achieve. But out of this disappointment comes a recognition that we need each other.
Kurtz, “‘...shared weakness creates what is truly a community. ...those who recognize shared weakness see in others’ strengths a HOPE: the hope that YOUR strengths might also support ME. (we need to understand that) we all share the same fears and sorrows, we all do the best we can with what we have”.
How does humility apply to us as Unitarian Universalists? Most of us want to do something to make the world a better place, but we can’t do this alone. We come together here as part of a community, and working together we can do more good than we could on our own. UUs expect that we come here as we are, and do not ask us to hide our flaws or pretend to be perfect.
I don't have to be a great chef to do coffee hour, or a social butterfly to be a greeter, or a fabulous writer to do a sermon. All it takes to do any of these things is a willingness to participate and to share a little of myself. And that's really all humility is to me. It's accepting myself, and other people, and the world, as it is...with all its faults and imperfections, and still be willing to be a part of making a positive contribution, big or small. That's really all any of us can do everyday. And we don't have to be perfect to start.
I won’t lie: it would be nice to have at least some of wonder woman’s super powers. I, personally, am more likely to step away from doing anything if I don’t feel as though I can do it perfectly. I tell myself that other people are more talented, or have more experience than I do.
But humility is not an excuse to step aside and do nothing. Just because we can’t do the impossible, doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to do what we CAN do.
Henri Nowen wrote:
We are worth more than the result of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.
In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness.
Abraham Lincoln said, “ Ordinary folk, like you and me, must be greatly loved by God since there are so many of us, always have been, most likely will always be.”
Loving the ordinariness in ourselves and each other will make us less afraid to take risks, have compassion, and share what we have.
As Ryunosuke Saturo said, Individually we are one drop, together we are an ocean.. None of us need to be a superhero.
Maybe a graduation speech will never end, “Go out into the world, and be humble.” Maybe humility will never be a political platform or pep rally cry. Maybe it’s message is quieter. But maybe it is an idea that could change the world after all.
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