Gifts
Sermon Given at the Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
September 23, 2018
by The Rev. Craig M. Nowak
It is not easy being perfect. I should know; I fail at it regularly. Now, I never considered myself a hardcore perfectionist and yet, as I look back over my span of years I can recall many points in my life when I was driven to change or improve how I look or sound, what I do or how I act, not out of a desire to accomplish something important to me, but out of fear.
Fears echoed in an article I came across recently in The Guardian, which examined perfectionism through the lens of the lives of several women.
In the article, Charmine, a black woman from a working class family, now working in a field dominated by white men from a different social class, described being worried about how she sounds in her emails to clients, for fear of being judged, noting, “The pressure to be perfect feels heightened to me as a black woman.” Salma, aged 18, talked about growing up wanting long straight hair and friends who obsess over the number of “likes” they get or don’t get on various social media platforms out of fear of rejection. Lotta, a single parent, talked about her drive be the ideal mother out of fear of failure. And Kate, a student at Cambridge University who is also recovering from an eating disorder, confessed, “I’m never content with anything I’ve achieved.” Her life dominated by a pervasive fear of not being good enough.
Perhaps some of this resonates with you too, regardless of your gender or age?
I take this possibility into consideration when choosing readings and how to use them in worship, mindful of Emerson’s admonition, “Books are the best things, well used; abused, among the worst.”
Now, I happen to love Rebecca Parker’s reflection, “Choose To Bless The World”, which we not only read but the choir sang this morning. I love that it talks about discovery and discernment of our gifts and how we might use them to bless rather than curse the world. To many it is an uplifting charge… an inspiring call to action. And yet, I’m aware that to some…to some it may be dispiriting.
“What will you do with your gifts?”, asks Parker.
“Choose to bless the world.”
For some, the internal response might to these words not be inspiration, but anxiety. “Gifts?” “What gifts?” “What if I can’t figure out what my gifts are?” or, “My gifts aren’t developed enough, or important enough to offer.” “Choose to bless the world?” “How? “What do I do?” “What if I don’t do it right?” What if I fail?”
So, what happens?
Well, for some, particularly perfectionists, nothing. As author Maria Tabaka points out, “Studies say that true perfectionists aren't really trying to be perfect. They are avoiding not being good enough.” So, some will choose not to get involved for fear they won’t be good enough.
Have you ever turned down or avoided an opportunity out of fear of not being good enough? I have.
Others given to perfectionism, will go into overdrive, hold themselves and possibly others to impossible standards, and then likely burn out insisting they failed, or using the power projection, some other person(s) or institution failed them.
This never happens in churches, right?
I do not mean to suggest that we’re always up to whatever opportunity comes before us. If somehow given the opportunity to rewire your kitchen, trust me, you do not want me to say, “Sure, let me try that!”
Still, it is easy to get stuck on the question of one’s gifts in Parker’s reflection, but notice Parker didn’t say, “if” you have gifts, then choose to bless the world. She begins, “Your gifts…” That is, with an assumption, or more, a knowing, that everyone…all of us… has gifts. She even names some, “the mind’s power, the strength of the hands, the reaches of the heart, the gift of speaking, listening, imagining, seeing, waiting.”
Other than gifts, how else might we describe these? Or, better yet, What do they point to?
Thinking about them, they seem to point to the various ways in which we experience and engage life, suggesting our gifts are something closer to the varieties of our experience as human beings than to the more common understanding of gifts as specific skills we’ve developed or talents we’ve nurtured.
And this is what I hear in “Katie’s Facebook Post” too.
In the midst of her heart wrenching reflection of what she describes as, “The absolute unreal made reality”, the sudden death of her fiancé, Katie’s friend Holly reminds her, “We get to keep the gifts he gave us.” Which Katie then describes as the, “fullness of himself.”
“The fullness of himself.” That is, more than the material objects he left behind, specific activities he did or did not do during his life, or the memories other people carry of him.
So, what is the fullness of Katie’s fiancé… of any of us?
The fullness of us, of who we are, and that is the gift we are and have to share with the world, includes, as Katie’s reflection reminds us, our stories, our history, our people, our loves, heroes, enthusiasm, happiness, joy …our evolution and our journey.
The fullness of who we are makes us the people we are. It’s the stories that make Barb, Barb. The history that brought Sean here. It is the heroes who inspire Kirk and the journey that gives Marie her perspective on things.
Fullness that cannot be authentically given or received in a society that won’t own up to institutionalized racism, glossing over it with calls for color blindness.
Or a society which merely, and sometimes only barely, tolerates its sexual, gender, ethnic and religious minorities so long as they don’t “flaunt it”, insist on special rights…like bathrooms…and so long as they speak English and say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” Thanksgiving through New Years. Or a society which hides its elderly, its sick, and its poor so those who are not old or poor or sick don’t have to imagine their own mortality or vulnerability, let alone that of others.
In such a society, the words we affirm together each week take on a significance we, who have come to memorize them, may not always appreciate…”Here, we focus on sharing our ideas and histories, with warmth, hope, loving friendship and an open mind.”
It is this fullness of self, the gifts of our experience of life that we as a faith community affirm is worthy of our attention and sharing, that Rebecca Parker invites us to discover and use to bless the world.
And again, I’m mindful that the perfectionist in any one of us, might at this point be fidgeting internally, worried that we’re not doing enough or what we are doing isn’t good enough.
And Parker does not entirely dismiss this possibility. For there are, in fact, times when we aren’t as engaged as we’re called to be. But she’s careful to note, “The choice to bless the world is more than an act of will, a moving forward into the world with the intention to do good.”
It would seem therefore her words are directed towards those who may be quick to run out and do, do, do with the intention, good as it may be, of “fixing” things…or those inclined to reduce religion (or activism) to simply “being a good person” which can easily slip into an insufferable persona of unconscious self-righteousness.
Indeed, Parker’s call to bless the world is not about “being a good person.” But it is about being; being attentive, that is… or what she describes as, “an act of recognition, a confession of surprise, a grateful acknowledgement that in the midst of of a broken world unspeakable beauty, grace and mystery abide.” She is calling us to be attentive to paradox. And as the eminent psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and spiritual seeker Carl Jung put it, "Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.”
And there’s that word again, “fullness.”
Attention and embrace of life’s fullness, within and around us, the paradoxes, the tensions…allow us to not only discover, but use our gifts to bless the world.
If you grew up in or are familiar with the Christian tradition you might remember hearing or being taught, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.” (Matt 5:48 NRSV).
What you may not have heard or been taught is that while today perfect is taken to mean without flaws, the Greek word teleios, used in the gospel verse quoted and translated as “perfect” in English, may also be translated as “finished” or “mature.” And this better reflects another, older definition of perfect meaning, full, complete or whole.
How different the instruction to be perfect in Matthew as “your heavenly father is perfect” is when heard as a call to recognize and accept the paradox, the fullness…that is God or life, the river “flowing in our souls”…and indeed… that is us… rather than an impossible command to be flawless.
“Those who bless the world live their life as a gesture of thanks for this beauty and this rage.”, observes Parker. Ultimately, we bless the world by bringing the fullness of who we are, our wholeness to bear on the world. In doing so, we “abet creation”, giving and receiving… changing the world, together.
I close this morning with an invitation…to consider how you bring the fullness of yourself to bear on the world?
For as the Unitarian minister Edward Everett Hale observed, “I am only one, But still I am one. I cannot do everything But still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”
That something all of us can do is discover and use our gifts to bless the world, for ultimately it is we, in our wholeness, who are the gift.
Amen and Blessed Be
Sermon Given at the Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
September 23, 2018
by The Rev. Craig M. Nowak
It is not easy being perfect. I should know; I fail at it regularly. Now, I never considered myself a hardcore perfectionist and yet, as I look back over my span of years I can recall many points in my life when I was driven to change or improve how I look or sound, what I do or how I act, not out of a desire to accomplish something important to me, but out of fear.
Fears echoed in an article I came across recently in The Guardian, which examined perfectionism through the lens of the lives of several women.
In the article, Charmine, a black woman from a working class family, now working in a field dominated by white men from a different social class, described being worried about how she sounds in her emails to clients, for fear of being judged, noting, “The pressure to be perfect feels heightened to me as a black woman.” Salma, aged 18, talked about growing up wanting long straight hair and friends who obsess over the number of “likes” they get or don’t get on various social media platforms out of fear of rejection. Lotta, a single parent, talked about her drive be the ideal mother out of fear of failure. And Kate, a student at Cambridge University who is also recovering from an eating disorder, confessed, “I’m never content with anything I’ve achieved.” Her life dominated by a pervasive fear of not being good enough.
Perhaps some of this resonates with you too, regardless of your gender or age?
I take this possibility into consideration when choosing readings and how to use them in worship, mindful of Emerson’s admonition, “Books are the best things, well used; abused, among the worst.”
Now, I happen to love Rebecca Parker’s reflection, “Choose To Bless The World”, which we not only read but the choir sang this morning. I love that it talks about discovery and discernment of our gifts and how we might use them to bless rather than curse the world. To many it is an uplifting charge… an inspiring call to action. And yet, I’m aware that to some…to some it may be dispiriting.
“What will you do with your gifts?”, asks Parker.
“Choose to bless the world.”
For some, the internal response might to these words not be inspiration, but anxiety. “Gifts?” “What gifts?” “What if I can’t figure out what my gifts are?” or, “My gifts aren’t developed enough, or important enough to offer.” “Choose to bless the world?” “How? “What do I do?” “What if I don’t do it right?” What if I fail?”
So, what happens?
Well, for some, particularly perfectionists, nothing. As author Maria Tabaka points out, “Studies say that true perfectionists aren't really trying to be perfect. They are avoiding not being good enough.” So, some will choose not to get involved for fear they won’t be good enough.
Have you ever turned down or avoided an opportunity out of fear of not being good enough? I have.
Others given to perfectionism, will go into overdrive, hold themselves and possibly others to impossible standards, and then likely burn out insisting they failed, or using the power projection, some other person(s) or institution failed them.
This never happens in churches, right?
I do not mean to suggest that we’re always up to whatever opportunity comes before us. If somehow given the opportunity to rewire your kitchen, trust me, you do not want me to say, “Sure, let me try that!”
Still, it is easy to get stuck on the question of one’s gifts in Parker’s reflection, but notice Parker didn’t say, “if” you have gifts, then choose to bless the world. She begins, “Your gifts…” That is, with an assumption, or more, a knowing, that everyone…all of us… has gifts. She even names some, “the mind’s power, the strength of the hands, the reaches of the heart, the gift of speaking, listening, imagining, seeing, waiting.”
Other than gifts, how else might we describe these? Or, better yet, What do they point to?
Thinking about them, they seem to point to the various ways in which we experience and engage life, suggesting our gifts are something closer to the varieties of our experience as human beings than to the more common understanding of gifts as specific skills we’ve developed or talents we’ve nurtured.
And this is what I hear in “Katie’s Facebook Post” too.
In the midst of her heart wrenching reflection of what she describes as, “The absolute unreal made reality”, the sudden death of her fiancé, Katie’s friend Holly reminds her, “We get to keep the gifts he gave us.” Which Katie then describes as the, “fullness of himself.”
“The fullness of himself.” That is, more than the material objects he left behind, specific activities he did or did not do during his life, or the memories other people carry of him.
So, what is the fullness of Katie’s fiancé… of any of us?
The fullness of us, of who we are, and that is the gift we are and have to share with the world, includes, as Katie’s reflection reminds us, our stories, our history, our people, our loves, heroes, enthusiasm, happiness, joy …our evolution and our journey.
The fullness of who we are makes us the people we are. It’s the stories that make Barb, Barb. The history that brought Sean here. It is the heroes who inspire Kirk and the journey that gives Marie her perspective on things.
Fullness that cannot be authentically given or received in a society that won’t own up to institutionalized racism, glossing over it with calls for color blindness.
Or a society which merely, and sometimes only barely, tolerates its sexual, gender, ethnic and religious minorities so long as they don’t “flaunt it”, insist on special rights…like bathrooms…and so long as they speak English and say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” Thanksgiving through New Years. Or a society which hides its elderly, its sick, and its poor so those who are not old or poor or sick don’t have to imagine their own mortality or vulnerability, let alone that of others.
In such a society, the words we affirm together each week take on a significance we, who have come to memorize them, may not always appreciate…”Here, we focus on sharing our ideas and histories, with warmth, hope, loving friendship and an open mind.”
It is this fullness of self, the gifts of our experience of life that we as a faith community affirm is worthy of our attention and sharing, that Rebecca Parker invites us to discover and use to bless the world.
And again, I’m mindful that the perfectionist in any one of us, might at this point be fidgeting internally, worried that we’re not doing enough or what we are doing isn’t good enough.
And Parker does not entirely dismiss this possibility. For there are, in fact, times when we aren’t as engaged as we’re called to be. But she’s careful to note, “The choice to bless the world is more than an act of will, a moving forward into the world with the intention to do good.”
It would seem therefore her words are directed towards those who may be quick to run out and do, do, do with the intention, good as it may be, of “fixing” things…or those inclined to reduce religion (or activism) to simply “being a good person” which can easily slip into an insufferable persona of unconscious self-righteousness.
Indeed, Parker’s call to bless the world is not about “being a good person.” But it is about being; being attentive, that is… or what she describes as, “an act of recognition, a confession of surprise, a grateful acknowledgement that in the midst of of a broken world unspeakable beauty, grace and mystery abide.” She is calling us to be attentive to paradox. And as the eminent psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and spiritual seeker Carl Jung put it, "Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.”
And there’s that word again, “fullness.”
Attention and embrace of life’s fullness, within and around us, the paradoxes, the tensions…allow us to not only discover, but use our gifts to bless the world.
If you grew up in or are familiar with the Christian tradition you might remember hearing or being taught, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.” (Matt 5:48 NRSV).
What you may not have heard or been taught is that while today perfect is taken to mean without flaws, the Greek word teleios, used in the gospel verse quoted and translated as “perfect” in English, may also be translated as “finished” or “mature.” And this better reflects another, older definition of perfect meaning, full, complete or whole.
How different the instruction to be perfect in Matthew as “your heavenly father is perfect” is when heard as a call to recognize and accept the paradox, the fullness…that is God or life, the river “flowing in our souls”…and indeed… that is us… rather than an impossible command to be flawless.
“Those who bless the world live their life as a gesture of thanks for this beauty and this rage.”, observes Parker. Ultimately, we bless the world by bringing the fullness of who we are, our wholeness to bear on the world. In doing so, we “abet creation”, giving and receiving… changing the world, together.
I close this morning with an invitation…to consider how you bring the fullness of yourself to bear on the world?
For as the Unitarian minister Edward Everett Hale observed, “I am only one, But still I am one. I cannot do everything But still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”
That something all of us can do is discover and use our gifts to bless the world, for ultimately it is we, in our wholeness, who are the gift.
Amen and Blessed Be
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