Serving with Grace
Sermon given at The Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
Sunday, November 26, 2017
By Amy Frisella
I’ve titled my talk today “Serving with Grace” not because I have this figured out, I have not discovered precisely how to serve with grace and I don’t have this knowledge to share with you. No. In fact, I’m not even sure what it means. But, I’ve decided to talk about serving with grace because it aptly describes something I’ve been striving for years to do. Something that I have witnessed and admired.
I understand serving. Serving can mean service to others, those in need or those in some way shape or form in a position in which at least at some point in time, another can provide some type of assistance. Serving can mean sharing your talent to improve your surroundings or the greater world. Serving requires some amount of time (all of our most precious commodity) and I think service is distinguished from monetary donations because it requires expenditure of time. It can include money but must include time – you have to DO something to have properly served.
So what is “serving with grace”? The grace part is much more elusive for me. I’ve really never understood the concept of grace and I have yet to find any adequate definition of it. People say grace before a meal, of course, I’m not talking about the noun, grace. I’ve heard about God’s grace - “by the grace of God” or “God’s good graces”. Does this mean –God’s forgiveness or sharing or unconditional love & kindness. I don’t know. But it seems like the grace most closely resembling serving with grace is like the “growing old gracefully” grace. Aging with acceptance, wisdom and pride & humility all wrapped up into one. I know people who are definitely growing old gracefully. Some of them are here today. I think of growing old gracefully as the antithesis of growing old kicking and screaming. I know some people who are doing that too. I seem to be doing a little bit of both.
But even that doesn’t adequately describe what “Serving with Grace” might mean. It’s illusive. I know it when I see it but I haven’t been able to define it.
I was raised in a Lutheran Church. I grew up learning the stories in the bible and going to Sunday school (RE) every week. I was taught that you had to be a good person to get into heaven to be with all other good people and God and well, the bad ones had to go to hell to be with all the other bad people and the devil. And they made it sound simple enough. I was taught the 10 Commandments – these were the rules that told you how to live. Some of those were really simple --- thou shalt not kill or thou shalt not steal. Okay no problem. Murderers and thieves went to hell - that made sense to me - I can avoid that stuff. But some of the commandments took a little more explanation. Like #10 - “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, nor his man-servant nor his maid-servant.” This, it was explained to us, used some old fashioned language because people no longer had man-servants or maid-servants. So it now means you aren’t supposed to covet anything of your neighbors, or anyone else’s for that matter. But I recall some kid in my Sunday school class ask an intriguing question that stays with me to this day (I like to think it was me but I’m not sure I was that astute at the time) The question was something to the effect of --- well if God was dolling out commandments at the time there was man-servants and maid-servants, why did he not add --- don’t have any man-servant and maid-servants to the list? Now I don’t recall specifically what my Sunday school teacher’s response was to this question was, but I do know it was at this time that I realized this was all more complicated than it first seemed. So I grew up with the gnawing question - what would tip the scale? Never knowing the answer to that, I quickly realized it wouldn’t hurt to create some extra points by doing a lot of extra good stuff, you know, just in case. And this, this was my first motivation for serving anyone -- fear. So this, my first introduction to service I might call the stay-out-of-hell kind of service. This was what service meant to me in my childhood. This may be the furthest thing from serving with grace.
Over time, I got busy, but I continued to serve in different ways. Service became something I did when I had time. Service for a long time in my life was something I only did when it was convenient. I think most of us do this. I might call this phase in my life – service when it suited me phase. I did something “good” when it was easy and convenient to fit into my busy schedule. Overtime this passive participation left me feeling useless and empty. Sometimes I enjoyed helping out but it didn’t bring any deeper meaning to my life. It wasn’t making me richer in any way. I had learned through relationships and school that if you don’t put much into something then you don’t get much out of it. So, I evolved. And my logical self reasoned – I need to give more to get more. So, that’s exactly what I did. I would say yes to those activities and volunteer or service opportunities that were NOT convenient, that I really didn’t like to do, even things that didn’t involve any of my skill sets or extra time but it pained me to do it. I’ll call this phase – my give-until-it-hurts - phase. I applied the “no pain - no gain” philosophy to service. If I was asked to volunteer and there was any way I could do it, like it nor not, I would do it. I believed, for a little while, that my “sacrifice” (for lack of a better word) would ensure some deeper meaning to my life. So “serving when it suited me” morphed into “serving until it pained me”. I served on a board of directors at business in Sturbridge when I wanted to be home with my infants. I was a volunteer parent at school when I needed and wanted to be working. I bought items at fundraisers that I threw away. I even maintained “friendships” with people who were destructive to me in the name of kindness. But, despite all that sacrifice, I was left with nothing. Attending activities and events I didn’t really care about and participating only on some superficial level. If I had continued serving that way, I would have given up on serving altogether.
I’ve come to learn that UU’s share a different philosophy for serving others. We learn here it is the value of the service itself. It’s the interconnected web that makes service meaningful and far reaching. We share the idea that sending good into the world changes the world for the better. Or for some of us, we do good deeds because we feel good when we contribute to something important. I’ve heard in more than one sermon, people from this pulpit quote the late theologian Howard Thurman who said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because the world needs people who come alive.” So, I now try to allow my inner light to guide my service. Service is not about asking yourself to do more, it is about finding what inspires you. But still, I think serving with grace takes this all a step further. It might take service to a place that not only lights you up, but also to a place that makes you vulnerable. A place that makes use of your very finest natural talents while at the same time never really comes easy. Serving with grace might be shining your brightest light in places no one really wants to see. Or sharing something with the world that must be shared but few want to learn. It some ways, it might be a combination of pain and pleasure. The pleasure of doing something meaningful and the pain knowing it must be done and only you can do it.
This past summer Hailey and I were invited to go on a lama walk. We paid $40 each to drive two hours, to walk a lama for an hour in the woods -- and this was one of the absolute highlights of my summer! The reason is because of the lama lady. (I don’t remember her name, I just refer to her as the lama lady and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.) The woman running the program, who owns these lamas, is a Native American woman who told us -- since she was 12 years old, she knew that she was put on the Earth to care for animals, in particular, lamas. Her lama rescue is the only one in the country and she has saved lamas from poor conditions and abuse from all over the world. She breeds lamas, lives with lamas, drives with lamas in her car and treats them like family. Lamas need exercise and so she invites kids to come and walk a lama through a little path in the woods while she tells you about these animals she so dearly loves and has devoted her life’s work to. She has changed Connecticut laws about domestic animals and farm animals and spoken in front of Congress – about importation of lamas and laws about lama care! She was very down to earth and someone I liked immediately. She was warm, articulate and passionate. I expect she is poor by monetary standards but I could immediately tell - so rich in life. In this woman, this summer, I witnessed first-hand serving with grace. And there are many, many others that come to mind. The lama-lady does for the lamas what Jane Goodall did for primates. Serving with grace - we all know it when we see it. Certainly Marin Luther King, Mother Teresa, and Ghandi knew how to serve with Grace. But I see it in many others - like both of my daughters, Megan with homelessness & Hailey with animals and nature, and Wendy Newhall and Margo Chevers and Doug Smith and Daphne Stevens and Laurel Burdon, just to name a few.
My walk in the woods with my lama this summer made me think -- IF this lama has been given such an extraordinary advocate, might it be true that every need and every dark place and every ill and every broken heart and every injustice in our country, in our whole world, has an extraordinary advocate too? Is it possible that someone is here right now, living today among us, who has the ability, motivation, knowledge, drive, passion and tenacity to fix every single thing in our community and society that needs fixing. Isn’t is possible that for every head that turns its back on the needs of a lama, there is a lama-lady with open arms? And the only reason we have ills in our society today is because we are, so very many of us, too busy doing service when it is convenient or giving until it hurts or simply giving up on service altogether? Far too many of us might be far too busy serving the wrong way.
I have been a member of this church for 15 years and I have never wanted to give a sermon before. I’ve always enjoyed our lay-led sermons here, I just felt like I really didn’t have anything to say. But after my experience of being President of the church, now in my 4th and final year, I thought I might have something to share about service. Some of you might have looked at my topic today and thought – well the president of the church is going to talk about serving with grace. This will be a plea to do more volunteer work at the church. Well, I AM going to ask you to do more service for the church, IF that’s what delights you. If you believe there is a need here that through your participation will bring more meaning to your life. Please DO step-up. Put aside those things that you do that are just filling your time if serving here is what you are being called to do. And there is plenty to do here so don’t wait any longer. And if not, I may surprise you by asking you to please move out of the way. Because when we just fill a space we might be taking that space from the real lama lady - the extraordinary advocate - who is still searching. This church doesn’t have to be the place you choose to serve others. It can be your place to find inspiration and support for the service you offer outside these walls. Serving with grace might take service a step further - by simply refusing to serve at all - allowing time for self-reflection and quiet – until grace guides you.
May it be so.
Sermon given at The Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
Sunday, November 26, 2017
By Amy Frisella
I’ve titled my talk today “Serving with Grace” not because I have this figured out, I have not discovered precisely how to serve with grace and I don’t have this knowledge to share with you. No. In fact, I’m not even sure what it means. But, I’ve decided to talk about serving with grace because it aptly describes something I’ve been striving for years to do. Something that I have witnessed and admired.
I understand serving. Serving can mean service to others, those in need or those in some way shape or form in a position in which at least at some point in time, another can provide some type of assistance. Serving can mean sharing your talent to improve your surroundings or the greater world. Serving requires some amount of time (all of our most precious commodity) and I think service is distinguished from monetary donations because it requires expenditure of time. It can include money but must include time – you have to DO something to have properly served.
So what is “serving with grace”? The grace part is much more elusive for me. I’ve really never understood the concept of grace and I have yet to find any adequate definition of it. People say grace before a meal, of course, I’m not talking about the noun, grace. I’ve heard about God’s grace - “by the grace of God” or “God’s good graces”. Does this mean –God’s forgiveness or sharing or unconditional love & kindness. I don’t know. But it seems like the grace most closely resembling serving with grace is like the “growing old gracefully” grace. Aging with acceptance, wisdom and pride & humility all wrapped up into one. I know people who are definitely growing old gracefully. Some of them are here today. I think of growing old gracefully as the antithesis of growing old kicking and screaming. I know some people who are doing that too. I seem to be doing a little bit of both.
But even that doesn’t adequately describe what “Serving with Grace” might mean. It’s illusive. I know it when I see it but I haven’t been able to define it.
I was raised in a Lutheran Church. I grew up learning the stories in the bible and going to Sunday school (RE) every week. I was taught that you had to be a good person to get into heaven to be with all other good people and God and well, the bad ones had to go to hell to be with all the other bad people and the devil. And they made it sound simple enough. I was taught the 10 Commandments – these were the rules that told you how to live. Some of those were really simple --- thou shalt not kill or thou shalt not steal. Okay no problem. Murderers and thieves went to hell - that made sense to me - I can avoid that stuff. But some of the commandments took a little more explanation. Like #10 - “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, nor his man-servant nor his maid-servant.” This, it was explained to us, used some old fashioned language because people no longer had man-servants or maid-servants. So it now means you aren’t supposed to covet anything of your neighbors, or anyone else’s for that matter. But I recall some kid in my Sunday school class ask an intriguing question that stays with me to this day (I like to think it was me but I’m not sure I was that astute at the time) The question was something to the effect of --- well if God was dolling out commandments at the time there was man-servants and maid-servants, why did he not add --- don’t have any man-servant and maid-servants to the list? Now I don’t recall specifically what my Sunday school teacher’s response was to this question was, but I do know it was at this time that I realized this was all more complicated than it first seemed. So I grew up with the gnawing question - what would tip the scale? Never knowing the answer to that, I quickly realized it wouldn’t hurt to create some extra points by doing a lot of extra good stuff, you know, just in case. And this, this was my first motivation for serving anyone -- fear. So this, my first introduction to service I might call the stay-out-of-hell kind of service. This was what service meant to me in my childhood. This may be the furthest thing from serving with grace.
Over time, I got busy, but I continued to serve in different ways. Service became something I did when I had time. Service for a long time in my life was something I only did when it was convenient. I think most of us do this. I might call this phase in my life – service when it suited me phase. I did something “good” when it was easy and convenient to fit into my busy schedule. Overtime this passive participation left me feeling useless and empty. Sometimes I enjoyed helping out but it didn’t bring any deeper meaning to my life. It wasn’t making me richer in any way. I had learned through relationships and school that if you don’t put much into something then you don’t get much out of it. So, I evolved. And my logical self reasoned – I need to give more to get more. So, that’s exactly what I did. I would say yes to those activities and volunteer or service opportunities that were NOT convenient, that I really didn’t like to do, even things that didn’t involve any of my skill sets or extra time but it pained me to do it. I’ll call this phase – my give-until-it-hurts - phase. I applied the “no pain - no gain” philosophy to service. If I was asked to volunteer and there was any way I could do it, like it nor not, I would do it. I believed, for a little while, that my “sacrifice” (for lack of a better word) would ensure some deeper meaning to my life. So “serving when it suited me” morphed into “serving until it pained me”. I served on a board of directors at business in Sturbridge when I wanted to be home with my infants. I was a volunteer parent at school when I needed and wanted to be working. I bought items at fundraisers that I threw away. I even maintained “friendships” with people who were destructive to me in the name of kindness. But, despite all that sacrifice, I was left with nothing. Attending activities and events I didn’t really care about and participating only on some superficial level. If I had continued serving that way, I would have given up on serving altogether.
I’ve come to learn that UU’s share a different philosophy for serving others. We learn here it is the value of the service itself. It’s the interconnected web that makes service meaningful and far reaching. We share the idea that sending good into the world changes the world for the better. Or for some of us, we do good deeds because we feel good when we contribute to something important. I’ve heard in more than one sermon, people from this pulpit quote the late theologian Howard Thurman who said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because the world needs people who come alive.” So, I now try to allow my inner light to guide my service. Service is not about asking yourself to do more, it is about finding what inspires you. But still, I think serving with grace takes this all a step further. It might take service to a place that not only lights you up, but also to a place that makes you vulnerable. A place that makes use of your very finest natural talents while at the same time never really comes easy. Serving with grace might be shining your brightest light in places no one really wants to see. Or sharing something with the world that must be shared but few want to learn. It some ways, it might be a combination of pain and pleasure. The pleasure of doing something meaningful and the pain knowing it must be done and only you can do it.
This past summer Hailey and I were invited to go on a lama walk. We paid $40 each to drive two hours, to walk a lama for an hour in the woods -- and this was one of the absolute highlights of my summer! The reason is because of the lama lady. (I don’t remember her name, I just refer to her as the lama lady and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.) The woman running the program, who owns these lamas, is a Native American woman who told us -- since she was 12 years old, she knew that she was put on the Earth to care for animals, in particular, lamas. Her lama rescue is the only one in the country and she has saved lamas from poor conditions and abuse from all over the world. She breeds lamas, lives with lamas, drives with lamas in her car and treats them like family. Lamas need exercise and so she invites kids to come and walk a lama through a little path in the woods while she tells you about these animals she so dearly loves and has devoted her life’s work to. She has changed Connecticut laws about domestic animals and farm animals and spoken in front of Congress – about importation of lamas and laws about lama care! She was very down to earth and someone I liked immediately. She was warm, articulate and passionate. I expect she is poor by monetary standards but I could immediately tell - so rich in life. In this woman, this summer, I witnessed first-hand serving with grace. And there are many, many others that come to mind. The lama-lady does for the lamas what Jane Goodall did for primates. Serving with grace - we all know it when we see it. Certainly Marin Luther King, Mother Teresa, and Ghandi knew how to serve with Grace. But I see it in many others - like both of my daughters, Megan with homelessness & Hailey with animals and nature, and Wendy Newhall and Margo Chevers and Doug Smith and Daphne Stevens and Laurel Burdon, just to name a few.
My walk in the woods with my lama this summer made me think -- IF this lama has been given such an extraordinary advocate, might it be true that every need and every dark place and every ill and every broken heart and every injustice in our country, in our whole world, has an extraordinary advocate too? Is it possible that someone is here right now, living today among us, who has the ability, motivation, knowledge, drive, passion and tenacity to fix every single thing in our community and society that needs fixing. Isn’t is possible that for every head that turns its back on the needs of a lama, there is a lama-lady with open arms? And the only reason we have ills in our society today is because we are, so very many of us, too busy doing service when it is convenient or giving until it hurts or simply giving up on service altogether? Far too many of us might be far too busy serving the wrong way.
I have been a member of this church for 15 years and I have never wanted to give a sermon before. I’ve always enjoyed our lay-led sermons here, I just felt like I really didn’t have anything to say. But after my experience of being President of the church, now in my 4th and final year, I thought I might have something to share about service. Some of you might have looked at my topic today and thought – well the president of the church is going to talk about serving with grace. This will be a plea to do more volunteer work at the church. Well, I AM going to ask you to do more service for the church, IF that’s what delights you. If you believe there is a need here that through your participation will bring more meaning to your life. Please DO step-up. Put aside those things that you do that are just filling your time if serving here is what you are being called to do. And there is plenty to do here so don’t wait any longer. And if not, I may surprise you by asking you to please move out of the way. Because when we just fill a space we might be taking that space from the real lama lady - the extraordinary advocate - who is still searching. This church doesn’t have to be the place you choose to serve others. It can be your place to find inspiration and support for the service you offer outside these walls. Serving with grace might take service a step further - by simply refusing to serve at all - allowing time for self-reflection and quiet – until grace guides you.
May it be so.