The Miracle of Change
Sermon given at Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
October 29, 2017
by Gary Blanchard
When the worship committee asked when I wanted to give my talk, I told them I was flexible, and to put me in any spot that needed filled. They gave me a date, and I looked up the theme for the month. I was a bit concerned to find the theme was miracles. I am very much a rationalist, and find it impossible to credit the miracles found in the Bible; even purported modern-day miracles are met with a heavy dose of skepticism from me. As I thought about it, however, I did realize that I do believe in one miracle, the miracle of change. I have seen it in society, in my life, and in the life of others.
The miracle of change can be found in the Bible; perhaps most notably in the story of Saul, who persecuted early Christians until he met the resurrected Jesus on the road to Damascus. He came out of that encounter a changed man who began to bring the Gospel to the Gentiles. Stories of instantaneous change can be found throughout literature, spiritual and secular. Another well known case of an overnight change is the popular Dickens story, A Christmas Carol. We all know how the miserly and miserable Ebeneezer Scrooge was visited by four ghosts and woke on Christmas morning a changed man.
The truth is that the miracle of change generally is not instantaneous; it is a process, and, as such, takes time and work. This, however, does not make it less miraculous. If anything, to me, it makes it more so.
Being a child of the Sixties, I saw how people, individually and in larger groups, brought about change in society. I saw how images of civil rights marchers being beat with batons and pummeled by fire hoses brought about changes in voting laws and helped to bring down segregation. I saw how a growing antiwar movement pushed the powers that be into bringing the Viet Nam war to an end. These changes took time, and took work, and are still in process, but they happened, and continue to happen. More recently, I have witnessed something I never imagined would happen in my lifetime; the legalization of gay marriages. Again, it was a process, and there is still opposition, but it is now the law of the land.
How did these miraculous changes come about? They do not come out of the ether, fully formed. It took many people with determination, vision, and hope to make these things happen. Some people marched to bring attention to the problem. Some people simply reported on the marchers, bringing attention to the issues. Some spoke to legislators, giving reasoned arguments that supported the need for change. Some went to the ballot box, some to courts, some to jail. This united front helped to make society recognize the need to make changes that move us closer to an ideal world.
It is easy to get frustrated with the slow pace of change. It is easy to get angry at those who oppose change. It is much too easy to return anger with anger, hatred with hatred, defamation with defamation. This approach, however, tends to be counter-productive, just driving a person deeper into their version, and vision, of the truth.
This is where my training in counseling begins to kick in. One important concept in the counseling world is the Stages of Change model. This model states that there are five stages of change. In Precontemplation, a person does not acknowledge a need to change. The next stage, Contemplation, is one in which a person begins to recognize the need for change. That leads to the third stage, Preparation. In this stage a person begins to explore the steps they need to take to make the change happen. The fourth stage, Action, is rather obvious; that is when the person actively engages in the process of change. The final stage is, perhaps, the most difficult one. In the maintenance stage a person keeps the change going. A good counselor uses an approach known as Motivational Interviewing to help lead a client through the stages. Gradually, we have learned that it is more effective to lead change than to push it.
So how do we lead people to change? There are a number of concepts in Motivational Interviewing that help aid the process. One important part of the process is listening. This goes beyond merely hearing; it is recognizing the needs, hopes, and fears that feed the person’s views. It is recognizing that, even if we feel the person’s ideas and beliefs are irrational, they are totally rational to that person. Another important concept in MI is to point out discrepancies between a person’s stated goals and their beliefs and behaviors. This is done in a very gentle way; one might say, “I hear you say that you are opposed to gay marriage as it hurts the sanctity of marriage, yet you don’t seem to have a problem with divorce. This seems odd to me, can you help me to understand this?” Many times, in the process of trying to defend the discrepancy, the person may begin to see that their reasoning may be flawed.
Before I turn this into one of my classroom lectures, complete with the glassy-eyed look of my listeners I get in the classroom, let me go back to the miracle of change. As I said earlier, I have seen changes in society, but I have also seen the miracle of change in my own life. Had you met me twenty-five years ago, you would not believe that the person I was then would become the person I am now. At that point, I was just entering therapy and staring to take antidepressants. I was, clinically speaking, a hot mess. I had low self-esteem, a ton of self-hatred, had two failed attempts at college and two failed attempts at marriage. I had no hope for the future.
Luckily, something made me reach out for help. I was blessed by finding an excellent therapist, Dr. Sarah Hulbert, who began to help me to rebuild, and start that miracle of change. I was also lucky to meet a lovely woman who eventually became my wife, Carol Mays. It was Carol and Dr. Hulbert who helped break down every excuse I had for not trying college one more time. I ran into excellent professors and fellow students at College of Notre Dame of Maryland, and there first learned about cognitive -behavioral therapy, a technique that greatly aided my process of change and would become a major tool in my work, helping others achieve the miracle of change. Throughout that time, I worked hard to become the person I was meant to be; with the help of many people, I managed to succeed.
Graduation led to a change in profession, and eventually a Masters degree. It also gave me the opportunity to see, on an ongoing basis, the miracle of change in others. It helped me to see that change is miracle that takes place in real time. Success is not immediate, and is not guaranteed, but it is achievable. Success demands work on the part of the individual who desires change; it also demands that others be part of the change process. Some point out the progress the person has made, others may point out the areas that need improvement. There are those who offer love, support, guidance, information, and encouragement. That is all part of the change process.
In the song I sang earlier, I suggested we be the change we want to see in the world. If you heard my talk this past spring, you will remember that this quote is often mis-attributed to Gandhi. Who said it, however, doesn’t matter; the important thing is that we remember it and that we act upon it. Changes brought about by the civil rights struggle, the gay rights movement, the women’s movement, and the anti-war movement came from people being the change they wanted to see in the world. These changes are still very much a work-in progress, but they are happening. Sometimes societal change comes sooner than expected, and it takes some people time to adapt to and accept the change. Then our job is to help people come to understand and accept the change that has happened.
So, how do we help bring about the change we want to see in the world? We do so by acting in the manner that we want others to emulate. We cannot counter hate with hate, intolerance with intolerance. We must, to use a popular phrase, win the hearts and minds of those who oppose our views. We need to have them look at us and to decide that they want what we offer.
In his sermon at the beginning of the month, Rev. Craig told the story of a former Marine who shot at a mosque in Connecticut following the Paris attacks. The miracle occurred when the mosque’s leader met with the imprisoned man every two weeks, talking with him, and giving the prisoner a copy of the Koran that was a family heirloom, not to convert the man, but to show love and compassion. When the former Marine, who often had anti-Muslim posts on his social media page, was released, he devoted his time and energy into sharing his story and encouraging people to see beyond the stereotypes. This is a great example of how the miracle of change can come about. There were no ghosts involved, and it did not happen overnight, but it happened.
As a father, one of my proudest moments came in the form of a phone call from my son, living in Western Pennsylvania. The conversation began with my son asking, “Guess what I just did, Dad?” When I asked him what he got tattooed or pierced this time; he replied, “Nothing like that. I just enrolled in college. I saw what you did with your life and I decided I want the same in mine.” I never pushed or lectured him about continuing his education, but he saw my example and decided he wanted what I had. I can’t think of a better example of “being the change” than this.
In a newer song, I offer this thought:
If you want to see a world at peace you have to give love.
It you want to see all hatred cease you have to give love.
In the sunshine and the rain.
Through the pleasure and the pain.
We have all the world to gain; we have to give love.
I understand that this may require that we make our own changes in order to be able to meet hate with love, intolerance with understanding. I also understand that the need for change feels immediate and it may feel as though time is running out. I recognize that there are some who will never see things as we see them. Chances are we will not see a Saul or Ebeneezer-like change among those who blindly cling to their world view. There are, however, large numbers of people who are more to the middle, who maybe feel somewhat like we do, who need help and encouragement to be firmer in their beliefs, and to begin speaking out. If you look at the history of the anti-war movement in the 60s you will see how the people in the middle gradually came to see the need to end the war in Viet Nam. What started as “voices in the wilderness” eventually became a chorus of the multitude.
The making of the miracle is inside all of us. It is up to us to help make those miracles happen. We have all the world to gain; we have to give love.
Amen, and blessed be.
Sermon given at Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
October 29, 2017
by Gary Blanchard
When the worship committee asked when I wanted to give my talk, I told them I was flexible, and to put me in any spot that needed filled. They gave me a date, and I looked up the theme for the month. I was a bit concerned to find the theme was miracles. I am very much a rationalist, and find it impossible to credit the miracles found in the Bible; even purported modern-day miracles are met with a heavy dose of skepticism from me. As I thought about it, however, I did realize that I do believe in one miracle, the miracle of change. I have seen it in society, in my life, and in the life of others.
The miracle of change can be found in the Bible; perhaps most notably in the story of Saul, who persecuted early Christians until he met the resurrected Jesus on the road to Damascus. He came out of that encounter a changed man who began to bring the Gospel to the Gentiles. Stories of instantaneous change can be found throughout literature, spiritual and secular. Another well known case of an overnight change is the popular Dickens story, A Christmas Carol. We all know how the miserly and miserable Ebeneezer Scrooge was visited by four ghosts and woke on Christmas morning a changed man.
The truth is that the miracle of change generally is not instantaneous; it is a process, and, as such, takes time and work. This, however, does not make it less miraculous. If anything, to me, it makes it more so.
Being a child of the Sixties, I saw how people, individually and in larger groups, brought about change in society. I saw how images of civil rights marchers being beat with batons and pummeled by fire hoses brought about changes in voting laws and helped to bring down segregation. I saw how a growing antiwar movement pushed the powers that be into bringing the Viet Nam war to an end. These changes took time, and took work, and are still in process, but they happened, and continue to happen. More recently, I have witnessed something I never imagined would happen in my lifetime; the legalization of gay marriages. Again, it was a process, and there is still opposition, but it is now the law of the land.
How did these miraculous changes come about? They do not come out of the ether, fully formed. It took many people with determination, vision, and hope to make these things happen. Some people marched to bring attention to the problem. Some people simply reported on the marchers, bringing attention to the issues. Some spoke to legislators, giving reasoned arguments that supported the need for change. Some went to the ballot box, some to courts, some to jail. This united front helped to make society recognize the need to make changes that move us closer to an ideal world.
It is easy to get frustrated with the slow pace of change. It is easy to get angry at those who oppose change. It is much too easy to return anger with anger, hatred with hatred, defamation with defamation. This approach, however, tends to be counter-productive, just driving a person deeper into their version, and vision, of the truth.
This is where my training in counseling begins to kick in. One important concept in the counseling world is the Stages of Change model. This model states that there are five stages of change. In Precontemplation, a person does not acknowledge a need to change. The next stage, Contemplation, is one in which a person begins to recognize the need for change. That leads to the third stage, Preparation. In this stage a person begins to explore the steps they need to take to make the change happen. The fourth stage, Action, is rather obvious; that is when the person actively engages in the process of change. The final stage is, perhaps, the most difficult one. In the maintenance stage a person keeps the change going. A good counselor uses an approach known as Motivational Interviewing to help lead a client through the stages. Gradually, we have learned that it is more effective to lead change than to push it.
So how do we lead people to change? There are a number of concepts in Motivational Interviewing that help aid the process. One important part of the process is listening. This goes beyond merely hearing; it is recognizing the needs, hopes, and fears that feed the person’s views. It is recognizing that, even if we feel the person’s ideas and beliefs are irrational, they are totally rational to that person. Another important concept in MI is to point out discrepancies between a person’s stated goals and their beliefs and behaviors. This is done in a very gentle way; one might say, “I hear you say that you are opposed to gay marriage as it hurts the sanctity of marriage, yet you don’t seem to have a problem with divorce. This seems odd to me, can you help me to understand this?” Many times, in the process of trying to defend the discrepancy, the person may begin to see that their reasoning may be flawed.
Before I turn this into one of my classroom lectures, complete with the glassy-eyed look of my listeners I get in the classroom, let me go back to the miracle of change. As I said earlier, I have seen changes in society, but I have also seen the miracle of change in my own life. Had you met me twenty-five years ago, you would not believe that the person I was then would become the person I am now. At that point, I was just entering therapy and staring to take antidepressants. I was, clinically speaking, a hot mess. I had low self-esteem, a ton of self-hatred, had two failed attempts at college and two failed attempts at marriage. I had no hope for the future.
Luckily, something made me reach out for help. I was blessed by finding an excellent therapist, Dr. Sarah Hulbert, who began to help me to rebuild, and start that miracle of change. I was also lucky to meet a lovely woman who eventually became my wife, Carol Mays. It was Carol and Dr. Hulbert who helped break down every excuse I had for not trying college one more time. I ran into excellent professors and fellow students at College of Notre Dame of Maryland, and there first learned about cognitive -behavioral therapy, a technique that greatly aided my process of change and would become a major tool in my work, helping others achieve the miracle of change. Throughout that time, I worked hard to become the person I was meant to be; with the help of many people, I managed to succeed.
Graduation led to a change in profession, and eventually a Masters degree. It also gave me the opportunity to see, on an ongoing basis, the miracle of change in others. It helped me to see that change is miracle that takes place in real time. Success is not immediate, and is not guaranteed, but it is achievable. Success demands work on the part of the individual who desires change; it also demands that others be part of the change process. Some point out the progress the person has made, others may point out the areas that need improvement. There are those who offer love, support, guidance, information, and encouragement. That is all part of the change process.
In the song I sang earlier, I suggested we be the change we want to see in the world. If you heard my talk this past spring, you will remember that this quote is often mis-attributed to Gandhi. Who said it, however, doesn’t matter; the important thing is that we remember it and that we act upon it. Changes brought about by the civil rights struggle, the gay rights movement, the women’s movement, and the anti-war movement came from people being the change they wanted to see in the world. These changes are still very much a work-in progress, but they are happening. Sometimes societal change comes sooner than expected, and it takes some people time to adapt to and accept the change. Then our job is to help people come to understand and accept the change that has happened.
So, how do we help bring about the change we want to see in the world? We do so by acting in the manner that we want others to emulate. We cannot counter hate with hate, intolerance with intolerance. We must, to use a popular phrase, win the hearts and minds of those who oppose our views. We need to have them look at us and to decide that they want what we offer.
In his sermon at the beginning of the month, Rev. Craig told the story of a former Marine who shot at a mosque in Connecticut following the Paris attacks. The miracle occurred when the mosque’s leader met with the imprisoned man every two weeks, talking with him, and giving the prisoner a copy of the Koran that was a family heirloom, not to convert the man, but to show love and compassion. When the former Marine, who often had anti-Muslim posts on his social media page, was released, he devoted his time and energy into sharing his story and encouraging people to see beyond the stereotypes. This is a great example of how the miracle of change can come about. There were no ghosts involved, and it did not happen overnight, but it happened.
As a father, one of my proudest moments came in the form of a phone call from my son, living in Western Pennsylvania. The conversation began with my son asking, “Guess what I just did, Dad?” When I asked him what he got tattooed or pierced this time; he replied, “Nothing like that. I just enrolled in college. I saw what you did with your life and I decided I want the same in mine.” I never pushed or lectured him about continuing his education, but he saw my example and decided he wanted what I had. I can’t think of a better example of “being the change” than this.
In a newer song, I offer this thought:
If you want to see a world at peace you have to give love.
It you want to see all hatred cease you have to give love.
In the sunshine and the rain.
Through the pleasure and the pain.
We have all the world to gain; we have to give love.
I understand that this may require that we make our own changes in order to be able to meet hate with love, intolerance with understanding. I also understand that the need for change feels immediate and it may feel as though time is running out. I recognize that there are some who will never see things as we see them. Chances are we will not see a Saul or Ebeneezer-like change among those who blindly cling to their world view. There are, however, large numbers of people who are more to the middle, who maybe feel somewhat like we do, who need help and encouragement to be firmer in their beliefs, and to begin speaking out. If you look at the history of the anti-war movement in the 60s you will see how the people in the middle gradually came to see the need to end the war in Viet Nam. What started as “voices in the wilderness” eventually became a chorus of the multitude.
The making of the miracle is inside all of us. It is up to us to help make those miracles happen. We have all the world to gain; we have to give love.
Amen, and blessed be.
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