A Turn of the Screw
Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
November 27, 2022
By Barbara Hale
There was a man in Club Q who risked his own life to stop the shooter. His name is Rich Fierro. He says that he acted on instinct, that he wanted to protect people, his people, his family. This was an act of heroism that most of us, despite our innermost desire to help in a terrible situation like that, would not be able to do. Most of us simply aren’t wired that way. How grateful we should be for those who are! It’s impossible to say how many lives this brave man saved.
This happened last week and I’ve been thinking about it since. We live in a difficult world. Hearing about this tragedy just makes me sad but hearing about the acts of Rich Fierro gives me hope. It is the ultimate act of kindness - risking one’s life to save others.
Many people are blaming incendiary rhetoric for fueling the attack on this nightclub. And I tend to believe that’s true because I believe this idea of Robert Fulghum’s: Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts. I will go further and say that words can break our spirits and our ability to tell right from wrong.
But every day when we get up in the morning, we have a choice. We can be cruel, or we can be kind. We don’t have to be heroes like Rich Fierro, but our small kindnesses can save lives, too, in small ways.
You know, I wasn’t supposed to give this sermon today. I usually only have one sermon in me a year and that one is scheduled for March, but when our original worship leader didn’t feel safe coming in because of Covid, I agreed to muddle through. That’s not because I am a good person or a brave person or even a kind person, believe me. I thought long and hard about it. I wanted to say no. I really wanted to say no. What in the world could I possibly come up with on short notice to give a sermon on after all?
Here's an aside: Short notice for me is six months.
But finding a replacement quickly is difficult for the Worship Committee and eventually I agreed. I assumed I would figure it out somehow.
Well, the idea that I eventually settled on was to talk about some acts of kindness that I recently experienced while trying to fix a piece of furniture in my house that mysteriously got its leg bent. I had the whole scenario spelled out and the words were flowing like the mighty Mississippi when I hit a dead end. I just couldn't figure out how to get there from here.
So, I got this bright idea to find some inspiration on Facebook and I put out a plea for people to relate simple acts of kindness that they remembered in their lives and how those acts made them feel. I got a lot of feedback. So, I ditched my original idea, and I am going to relay a few of the remarks I received instead. You will have to wait to hear how I got my screw fixed.
I got a couple of responses from people who got financial windfalls:
I was eating lunch at Mackenzie River one Saturday. When I asked for my bill, the waiter said, "Your money is no good here. It has been taken care of." It renewed my faith in humanity!
and
My debit card wouldn't work at Kroger Supermarket, a Vietnamese immigrant stepped up and took care of it. Amazing and humbling.
I got responses from people who were in sticky situations while traveling:
About 60 years ago when my 2 children were small, I ran out of gas in front of a farmhouse that sat near the road. The lady came out and invited us in so I could call for help. At the time, I did not have any excess money. She invited us in, offered food and drinks and made us feel at home. She noticed my son's coat had come apart at the seam near the shoulder. She showed me how to do a "blind stitch " to repair it. Such a kind woman to have taken us in and helped us in so many ways.
And
Years ago, I was driving my son to a friend's house on Leadmine Road. I didn't know that Leadmine is paved at both ends but turns into a swamp in the middle. I kept pushing through old snow and finally had to stop. A very kind man came out of his house, got my car unstuck, and explained that I would have to go back the way I came and go in at the other end.
And
Probably fifteen years ago, I was driving from Boston to Sturbridge with a canoe on the roof. The canoe was my girlfriend’s and she had left it at her mom’s for years but we were bringing it back to our place for the first time. We hadn’t had proper securing supplies and though I was confident I had secured the canoe to the roof, at one point on the Pike it lurched to the right and I had to pull over. I was trying to find a better way to secure it but (was) feeling nervous and flummoxed (a common feeling in your early twenties!)
A man pulled over in front of us, got out and handed me a set of heavy-duty ratcheting straps. The ideal tool for securing the canoe. I kind of just stood there with my mouth hanging open and offered to pay for them. He said it was no problem. I offered to take down his address so I could mail them back. He said not to worry about it. He smiled and drove away.
We secured the canoe, and it stayed firmly in place the rest of the ride.
(This is) How it made me feel:
I was embarrassed, but also in awe of this stranger’s kindness. I also felt enormous relief that I was able to safely secure the canoe. My mom said, half joking, that it must’ve been a guardian angel.
It may well have been - if that canoe had really dislodged at high speed who’s to say what might have happened?
So yeah, deep gratitude and a hunger to find a way to pay it forward.
I got memories of kindnesses given to young mothers:
Once I was flying with my 2-year-old daughter, (I was) worried she’d cause trouble on the plane, so (I) had a bag of things to amuse her with. While getting off the plane a lady stopped to tell me what a good job I’d done with her. As a single parent I didn’t get to hear that often, and her comment meant a lot to me.
And
When we (were) a young couple with a baby, we only had one car so I could only go to the laundromat on my husband's day off. Carrying clothes in and out was a chilling experience in the winter. One day Herb was late coming home. He arrived with a beat-up washer in the back of a truck. A coworker was getting a new one and gave his old one to us. I painted ivy on the rust spots and we saved up for a dryer. It was such a blessing to be able to do laundry at home.
Years later when we moved into our present house, I had some breast cancer and back issues that made it impossible to get the clothes out of the washer. We had to buy front loading. We were able to give our old washer and dryer to a single mother with 4 sons.
Giving is a blessing to the giver and the receiver.
And
Something we learned at our coop preschool: when a kid hits, bites, kicks or does anything to hurt another kid, approach each of them with (the) same kindness and attitude. The one who did the “hurting” is actually hurting more than the “victim”. Some people naturally yell at the hitter and aid the victim. Kindness is taking the same loving attitude to each of them because that is how to help the hitter stop hurting. (This) Applies to adults too. Hurt people hurt people. Kindness can unwind it. Good luck!!
And I got stories of kindness emanating from UU experiences:
My kindness story comes from my experience attending Williamsburg Unitarian Universalist, WUU. I know you won’t be surprised at the kindness. One reason I went there was because of many experiences you related on Facebook from your own church.
After my (surprise) divorce after 41 years of marriage I was looking for something to help me cope with my new life. The need for something spiritual was strong. I researched a few religions and decided to try out Unitarian Universalism. Deciding to go and actually going were two different things. For several, and I really mean about 5 or 6, Sundays in a row I planned to go but fear always paralyzed me and stopped me. I had really never been someone who felt comfortable doing something on my own. I was also depressed and cried a lot. One Sunday I finally stopped thinking about it and just got in the car and went.
I got to the church, which was a 30-minute drive from my home and took a deep breath and nervously headed inside.
The greeters at the door welcomed me and led me to another person who assisted me and gave me a temporary name badge. Everyone wore one. I was introduced to another woman who decided to take me under her wing and introduced me to many people. I was feeling overwhelmed. I had thought I would go and sit at the back and just observe. This wonderful woman, Carolyn, sought out some people who lived near me and before I knew what was happening had talked with them and arranged for me to go to lunch with them after the service. It was all a bit much for someone who just wanted to blend into the background. It appeared that no one is ever in the background there. People spoke to everyone around them. I kind of wanted to run. I didn’t and mostly held it together for the entire service. I hadn’t been involved in a church during my marriage and never with a group of people that were so kind and caring, especially Carolyn.
I went back the next week without the anxiety and continued to go back until the pandemic closed the world for a bit.
This place was an important part of my solo growth and I have never forgotten the kindness I received.
And
I remember about 27 years ago I was admitted to the hospital for something very serious and my husband didn't have the time to make arrangements to care for our four-year-old daughter. He happened to meet up with a woman from church who was also at the hospital at the time and she told him not to worry, she would take care of it. It was the start of a beautiful friendship which has lasted to this day.
I was moved by these stories. So many were things that happened years ago but have stuck with people over time and despite life’s ups and downs. I don’t think we even have a clue as to what a small act of kindness can do to boost another person.
In general, as Americans we fancy ourselves to be rugged individualists. The raw truth is that none of us, even the most introverted, reclusive, and antisocial of us, live our lives alone. We are dependent on each other more than we want to admit. From the moment we get up in the morning we rely on others to provide our food and clothing, to provide us with the cars we need to get around, to pay our paychecks, to tend to our medical needs and others rely on us to prepare their food, to wash their clothes, to drive them here or there, to care for them when they are ill and to do the work that we all do to make this world carry on day to day. We are immensely dependent people. And we depend on small acts of kindness and kind words to get us through our lives.
Thinking of that makes me think of our Seventh UU Principle.
Reverend Forrest Gilmore, Executive Director of Shalom Community Center in Bloomington, Indiana says this about our seventh Principle:
Our seventh Principle, respect for the interdependent web of all existence, is a glorious statement. Yet we make a profound mistake when we limit it to merely an environmental idea. It is so much more. It is our response to the great dangers of both individualism and oppression. It is our solution to the seeming conflict between the individual and the group.
Our seventh Principle may be our Unitarian Universalist way of coming to fully embrace something greater than ourselves. The interdependent web—expressed as the spirit of life, the ground of all being, the oneness of all existence, the community-forming power, the process of life, the creative force, even God—can help us develop that social understanding of ourselves that we and our culture so desperately need. It is a source of meaning to which we can dedicate our lives.
Because after all, we are not separate from nature. We are nature and what kindnesses we share with the least of our fellow humans come back to us in peace of mind and help us work toward creating the Beloved Community that we crave.
Most days, we get up in the morning and face the sun just trying to get done what we need to do. But, now and then someone will give us an enormous boost when we are least expecting it. And isn’t that just nice! It may be something small like for me when perfect strangers helped me find the right screw for my broken furniture. It may be bigger like when my cousin’s car broke down in front of the farmhouse. It may be life changing like finding a UU church that helped my friend get past her difficult divorce. And it may be heroic like the actions of Rich Fierro.
But it doesn’t really matter how big the action is. When we quietly listen to a friend who is having a crisis or when we let our siblings know how happy we are when they get a promotion or finally get to retire, we are spreading kindness and working toward that Beloved Community. Most days don’t require any heroics on our parts. In fact, most of us go through our whole lives never doing anything that we consider all that important, much less heroic.
But think about this: As part of my Facebook plea, I got a text from my cousin Martha telling me about the death of her good friend Mariella from complications relating to early onset dementia. I read the obituary thinking that I really wish I had known this woman. Here’s part of the obituary:
This was her true accomplishment in life - her genuine ability to share her love and make friends. There is a line in one of Mariella’s favorite songs that goes, “Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands, the ones I love. Some folks just have one, yeah others they’ve got none…” Mariella would need all her fingers and toes - and then start counting on the fingers and toes of friends - to tally that count, and this was her true accomplishment in life. Her successful career was nothing in comparison to her success at developing friendships - both professionally and personally. Her laughter was infectious, and her smile and twinkling eyes were what made Mariella a true success in life for they were born of a deep love and devotion to her friends and family that many of us overlook on our roads to success… Through Mariella’s entire life, and especially near the end, she had a lesson to teach the world, and that was simply that love could make the world, in some small way, a happier place.
What a wonderful legacy. To me, even though I didn’t know her, she was a quiet hero.
Her obituary ends with this:
If anyone would like to donate in Mariella’s memory, she would very much like for you to consider a generous tip to the waitress who works so hard to please you, or the man holding the cardboard sign at the red light or, best of all, just be kind to people, and donate a hug or a smile to someone who looks like they’re having a rough day.
May it be so.
Brookfield Unitarian Universalist Church
November 27, 2022
By Barbara Hale
There was a man in Club Q who risked his own life to stop the shooter. His name is Rich Fierro. He says that he acted on instinct, that he wanted to protect people, his people, his family. This was an act of heroism that most of us, despite our innermost desire to help in a terrible situation like that, would not be able to do. Most of us simply aren’t wired that way. How grateful we should be for those who are! It’s impossible to say how many lives this brave man saved.
This happened last week and I’ve been thinking about it since. We live in a difficult world. Hearing about this tragedy just makes me sad but hearing about the acts of Rich Fierro gives me hope. It is the ultimate act of kindness - risking one’s life to save others.
Many people are blaming incendiary rhetoric for fueling the attack on this nightclub. And I tend to believe that’s true because I believe this idea of Robert Fulghum’s: Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts. I will go further and say that words can break our spirits and our ability to tell right from wrong.
But every day when we get up in the morning, we have a choice. We can be cruel, or we can be kind. We don’t have to be heroes like Rich Fierro, but our small kindnesses can save lives, too, in small ways.
You know, I wasn’t supposed to give this sermon today. I usually only have one sermon in me a year and that one is scheduled for March, but when our original worship leader didn’t feel safe coming in because of Covid, I agreed to muddle through. That’s not because I am a good person or a brave person or even a kind person, believe me. I thought long and hard about it. I wanted to say no. I really wanted to say no. What in the world could I possibly come up with on short notice to give a sermon on after all?
Here's an aside: Short notice for me is six months.
But finding a replacement quickly is difficult for the Worship Committee and eventually I agreed. I assumed I would figure it out somehow.
Well, the idea that I eventually settled on was to talk about some acts of kindness that I recently experienced while trying to fix a piece of furniture in my house that mysteriously got its leg bent. I had the whole scenario spelled out and the words were flowing like the mighty Mississippi when I hit a dead end. I just couldn't figure out how to get there from here.
So, I got this bright idea to find some inspiration on Facebook and I put out a plea for people to relate simple acts of kindness that they remembered in their lives and how those acts made them feel. I got a lot of feedback. So, I ditched my original idea, and I am going to relay a few of the remarks I received instead. You will have to wait to hear how I got my screw fixed.
I got a couple of responses from people who got financial windfalls:
I was eating lunch at Mackenzie River one Saturday. When I asked for my bill, the waiter said, "Your money is no good here. It has been taken care of." It renewed my faith in humanity!
and
My debit card wouldn't work at Kroger Supermarket, a Vietnamese immigrant stepped up and took care of it. Amazing and humbling.
I got responses from people who were in sticky situations while traveling:
About 60 years ago when my 2 children were small, I ran out of gas in front of a farmhouse that sat near the road. The lady came out and invited us in so I could call for help. At the time, I did not have any excess money. She invited us in, offered food and drinks and made us feel at home. She noticed my son's coat had come apart at the seam near the shoulder. She showed me how to do a "blind stitch " to repair it. Such a kind woman to have taken us in and helped us in so many ways.
And
Years ago, I was driving my son to a friend's house on Leadmine Road. I didn't know that Leadmine is paved at both ends but turns into a swamp in the middle. I kept pushing through old snow and finally had to stop. A very kind man came out of his house, got my car unstuck, and explained that I would have to go back the way I came and go in at the other end.
And
Probably fifteen years ago, I was driving from Boston to Sturbridge with a canoe on the roof. The canoe was my girlfriend’s and she had left it at her mom’s for years but we were bringing it back to our place for the first time. We hadn’t had proper securing supplies and though I was confident I had secured the canoe to the roof, at one point on the Pike it lurched to the right and I had to pull over. I was trying to find a better way to secure it but (was) feeling nervous and flummoxed (a common feeling in your early twenties!)
A man pulled over in front of us, got out and handed me a set of heavy-duty ratcheting straps. The ideal tool for securing the canoe. I kind of just stood there with my mouth hanging open and offered to pay for them. He said it was no problem. I offered to take down his address so I could mail them back. He said not to worry about it. He smiled and drove away.
We secured the canoe, and it stayed firmly in place the rest of the ride.
(This is) How it made me feel:
I was embarrassed, but also in awe of this stranger’s kindness. I also felt enormous relief that I was able to safely secure the canoe. My mom said, half joking, that it must’ve been a guardian angel.
It may well have been - if that canoe had really dislodged at high speed who’s to say what might have happened?
So yeah, deep gratitude and a hunger to find a way to pay it forward.
I got memories of kindnesses given to young mothers:
Once I was flying with my 2-year-old daughter, (I was) worried she’d cause trouble on the plane, so (I) had a bag of things to amuse her with. While getting off the plane a lady stopped to tell me what a good job I’d done with her. As a single parent I didn’t get to hear that often, and her comment meant a lot to me.
And
When we (were) a young couple with a baby, we only had one car so I could only go to the laundromat on my husband's day off. Carrying clothes in and out was a chilling experience in the winter. One day Herb was late coming home. He arrived with a beat-up washer in the back of a truck. A coworker was getting a new one and gave his old one to us. I painted ivy on the rust spots and we saved up for a dryer. It was such a blessing to be able to do laundry at home.
Years later when we moved into our present house, I had some breast cancer and back issues that made it impossible to get the clothes out of the washer. We had to buy front loading. We were able to give our old washer and dryer to a single mother with 4 sons.
Giving is a blessing to the giver and the receiver.
And
Something we learned at our coop preschool: when a kid hits, bites, kicks or does anything to hurt another kid, approach each of them with (the) same kindness and attitude. The one who did the “hurting” is actually hurting more than the “victim”. Some people naturally yell at the hitter and aid the victim. Kindness is taking the same loving attitude to each of them because that is how to help the hitter stop hurting. (This) Applies to adults too. Hurt people hurt people. Kindness can unwind it. Good luck!!
And I got stories of kindness emanating from UU experiences:
My kindness story comes from my experience attending Williamsburg Unitarian Universalist, WUU. I know you won’t be surprised at the kindness. One reason I went there was because of many experiences you related on Facebook from your own church.
After my (surprise) divorce after 41 years of marriage I was looking for something to help me cope with my new life. The need for something spiritual was strong. I researched a few religions and decided to try out Unitarian Universalism. Deciding to go and actually going were two different things. For several, and I really mean about 5 or 6, Sundays in a row I planned to go but fear always paralyzed me and stopped me. I had really never been someone who felt comfortable doing something on my own. I was also depressed and cried a lot. One Sunday I finally stopped thinking about it and just got in the car and went.
I got to the church, which was a 30-minute drive from my home and took a deep breath and nervously headed inside.
The greeters at the door welcomed me and led me to another person who assisted me and gave me a temporary name badge. Everyone wore one. I was introduced to another woman who decided to take me under her wing and introduced me to many people. I was feeling overwhelmed. I had thought I would go and sit at the back and just observe. This wonderful woman, Carolyn, sought out some people who lived near me and before I knew what was happening had talked with them and arranged for me to go to lunch with them after the service. It was all a bit much for someone who just wanted to blend into the background. It appeared that no one is ever in the background there. People spoke to everyone around them. I kind of wanted to run. I didn’t and mostly held it together for the entire service. I hadn’t been involved in a church during my marriage and never with a group of people that were so kind and caring, especially Carolyn.
I went back the next week without the anxiety and continued to go back until the pandemic closed the world for a bit.
This place was an important part of my solo growth and I have never forgotten the kindness I received.
And
I remember about 27 years ago I was admitted to the hospital for something very serious and my husband didn't have the time to make arrangements to care for our four-year-old daughter. He happened to meet up with a woman from church who was also at the hospital at the time and she told him not to worry, she would take care of it. It was the start of a beautiful friendship which has lasted to this day.
I was moved by these stories. So many were things that happened years ago but have stuck with people over time and despite life’s ups and downs. I don’t think we even have a clue as to what a small act of kindness can do to boost another person.
In general, as Americans we fancy ourselves to be rugged individualists. The raw truth is that none of us, even the most introverted, reclusive, and antisocial of us, live our lives alone. We are dependent on each other more than we want to admit. From the moment we get up in the morning we rely on others to provide our food and clothing, to provide us with the cars we need to get around, to pay our paychecks, to tend to our medical needs and others rely on us to prepare their food, to wash their clothes, to drive them here or there, to care for them when they are ill and to do the work that we all do to make this world carry on day to day. We are immensely dependent people. And we depend on small acts of kindness and kind words to get us through our lives.
Thinking of that makes me think of our Seventh UU Principle.
Reverend Forrest Gilmore, Executive Director of Shalom Community Center in Bloomington, Indiana says this about our seventh Principle:
Our seventh Principle, respect for the interdependent web of all existence, is a glorious statement. Yet we make a profound mistake when we limit it to merely an environmental idea. It is so much more. It is our response to the great dangers of both individualism and oppression. It is our solution to the seeming conflict between the individual and the group.
Our seventh Principle may be our Unitarian Universalist way of coming to fully embrace something greater than ourselves. The interdependent web—expressed as the spirit of life, the ground of all being, the oneness of all existence, the community-forming power, the process of life, the creative force, even God—can help us develop that social understanding of ourselves that we and our culture so desperately need. It is a source of meaning to which we can dedicate our lives.
Because after all, we are not separate from nature. We are nature and what kindnesses we share with the least of our fellow humans come back to us in peace of mind and help us work toward creating the Beloved Community that we crave.
Most days, we get up in the morning and face the sun just trying to get done what we need to do. But, now and then someone will give us an enormous boost when we are least expecting it. And isn’t that just nice! It may be something small like for me when perfect strangers helped me find the right screw for my broken furniture. It may be bigger like when my cousin’s car broke down in front of the farmhouse. It may be life changing like finding a UU church that helped my friend get past her difficult divorce. And it may be heroic like the actions of Rich Fierro.
But it doesn’t really matter how big the action is. When we quietly listen to a friend who is having a crisis or when we let our siblings know how happy we are when they get a promotion or finally get to retire, we are spreading kindness and working toward that Beloved Community. Most days don’t require any heroics on our parts. In fact, most of us go through our whole lives never doing anything that we consider all that important, much less heroic.
But think about this: As part of my Facebook plea, I got a text from my cousin Martha telling me about the death of her good friend Mariella from complications relating to early onset dementia. I read the obituary thinking that I really wish I had known this woman. Here’s part of the obituary:
This was her true accomplishment in life - her genuine ability to share her love and make friends. There is a line in one of Mariella’s favorite songs that goes, “Oh I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands, the ones I love. Some folks just have one, yeah others they’ve got none…” Mariella would need all her fingers and toes - and then start counting on the fingers and toes of friends - to tally that count, and this was her true accomplishment in life. Her successful career was nothing in comparison to her success at developing friendships - both professionally and personally. Her laughter was infectious, and her smile and twinkling eyes were what made Mariella a true success in life for they were born of a deep love and devotion to her friends and family that many of us overlook on our roads to success… Through Mariella’s entire life, and especially near the end, she had a lesson to teach the world, and that was simply that love could make the world, in some small way, a happier place.
What a wonderful legacy. To me, even though I didn’t know her, she was a quiet hero.
Her obituary ends with this:
If anyone would like to donate in Mariella’s memory, she would very much like for you to consider a generous tip to the waitress who works so hard to please you, or the man holding the cardboard sign at the red light or, best of all, just be kind to people, and donate a hug or a smile to someone who looks like they’re having a rough day.
May it be so.